兰州拉面 Lanzhou Lamian, Your First Muslim Noodles

This being my first food related post I thought I'd introduce you to a Western Chinese culinary artform. This isn't strictly a review, but I thought it would be of interest to food lovers out there. I've recently been living in Hangzhou, China, a city fairly near Shanghai. My experience was pretty good and I discovered many things to be fond of. One of my favourite things was something we all came to know simply as 'Muslim Noodles'. These are small cafes where noodles are served at high speed to hungry people ready to slurp and burp their ways through a steaming bowl of fresh Chinese fodder. They are something equivalent to a working mens' cafe in the UK, which I guess doesn't sound particularly special. Well, these places probably don't seem very special to most Chinese people because they are just cheapo lunch establishments designed to fill a gap in a small time frame and for a minimal financial outlay. However, for me they are places of wonder, establishments that are the workplace of skilled artisans weaving dough related magic.

 

Now, picture yourself in China, quite confused as you don't really understand anything and people keep staring at you like you're either a celebrity or some sort of leper. As you walk down the street you will see an unremarkable looking noodle joint (millions of these in China, apparently Chinese people are quite keen on noodles) with green signage that has the characters for Lanzhou Lamian (兰州拉面 -pronounced “lan joe la me en”). There might be an inordinate amount of steam emanating from it, depending on where their cauldrons are. You will walk in and realise to your delight that there are (usually) pictures of some of the most popular dishes, so that if you are still at the pointing furiously and saying “Jigga! Ee ger Jigga!” (“This! One of this!”) stage of your Chinese you will not have to take a chance and point at some Chinese characters hoping that you won't receive, just for example, a spicy duck's head (very popular, but perhaps not that filling or appetizing even to the more adventurous westerner). So, you will then point at one that looks pretty inoffensive, the good news is it probably is (inoffensive, that is) and will not contain any snails, heads, spiders or the various other things that can make China somewhat exciting place to eat in.

The most-likely skull cap adorned youngster will then scream a drawl of Mandarin that even the most devoted learner of Chinese will have difficulty deciphering. It will basically be the first word of what you ordered followed by a meaningless shout, but from this unlikely cacophonous beginning will come delicious things. If you're lucky you'll be able to see the noodle chef at work, he will pull a lump of formless dough from a big bag and begin to pull it into a long stretch of flowery sinew, he will then fold it and spin it in order to make a thick plait. He will continue to work it like this for a while and then suddenly transmogrify it into long strands with his fingers. At this point you'll realise that he's actually making your noodles to order, all of which takes about one and a half minutes. He then chucks them all into the steaming cauldron, puts it with soup or simply fries it with whatever you desire, if you can speak Chinese you can just list some ingredients and they'll generally make it to order. Not the place to go if you're a fan of pork and beer, mind, but you can't beat it for freshness.

Now, take a moment to think how much this would be worth in the UK, imagine someone making your noodles to your personal order and then creating a delicious fresh dish. Worth a bit, I think. 

Well, be prepared for the wallet shattering bill of 7-15 yuan (about 70p-£1.50). If there's anyone in the UK who's a Lanzhou lamian noodle extrodinaire I think they're missing a trick by not opening a place. If there is, where the hell is? I miss my noodles! A word of warning for the faint of heart: they will present you with a frighteningly mountainous steaming Everest of noodles that will keep you full for a good eight hours, even if, just for example, you had to teach small Chinese children English for a good portion of that. You will be fit to bursting after this meal and ready for another onslaught of the famous Chinese work ethic! Thank you Muzzer's.

That's the description for now. I'll put up a review of some of my favourite branches, dishes and a little more information about them in a bit.

Here's some guy doing what I just described: