Bonkers Food of the Week

Hello again, I thought I'd continue my bonkers posts. They amuse me.

Today I want to tell you about some bonkers food, and not bonkers in a good way. This food truly is from the kitchen of Satan. I feel to truly communicate the full atrocious horror of this culinary curse I must set the scene a little...

So me and my lovely girlfriend Celia were on holiday in Xiamen in China (better known to us ex-imperialist westerners as Amoy) and having a walk around the pedestrianised island of Gulangyu. It was a lovely September day in late summer, hovering around the 30C mark and bathing us in balmy South China Sea sunshine, we'd eaten a lot of truly delicious food on our stay in a town replete with a vast array of fresh seafood. As you may have guessed I am apt to take an adventurous attitude to food. Sometimes so adventurous as to be a little like if a Kamikaze pilot decided to become a food taster. Needless to say this means I'm always on the lookout for weird and wonderful things. Thus it was that we spotted a fried article being sold on a roadside stall. It was a conical thing that had the look of a giant potato croquette, so to us it seemed like a win-win situation, a new and interesting food that surely must be delicious as it was fried and most likely savoury, perhaps even full of marine delights. Of course we had to try it.

The savoury assumption was reinforced by the lady smothering said apparent delight with ketchup. Yum, fried thing with ketchup, my favourite. So now we were ready and we both sank our teeth into this delicious treat. And then it happened. The possession. As I bit into it the crunchy texture and ketchup gave way to... Ice cream! Yes, ice cream. Suddenly the barmy surrounding darkened and my being was overwrought by a sensation of pure culinary dread. I will remind you that I am a man who will happily eat a fried spider and then say it just tasted a little too spidery by way of reaction. This food was no normal bonkers creation, it was a true collision of inappropriate tastes. It was like the hordes of Beelzebub himself had cottoned onto fusion cooking. Thankfully the taste was quickly exorcised from my tortured mouth by something altogether delicious from another stall, for Xiamen truly is full to the brim with tasty marine treats. I do not recommend this oddity to anyone who is faint of heart or, quite possibly, not from the seventh circle of hell.

I'm not sure what this conical food of Satan is called and I'm not sure if I want to find out. Perhaps someone braver than me can go out there and taste one again and find out the name. Personally, I think I'll stick to deep fried soft shell crab from now on.

Thanks for reading and please don't have any nightmares.